The Day of the Forgotten Mom

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Did you know there is a Stepmother’s Day?  Most don’t.  It’s the Sunday following Mother’s Day, which I think speaks volumes about the day and people’s thoughts on it.  Is it a completely separate event, with enough time to plan for both days properly and to give appreciation to both mothers and stepmothers?  With the two holidays being only a week apart, I think the obvious answer is “no”.

I’d be happy to be acknowledged on Stepmother’s Day OR Mother’s Day (or both) because it means whoever did so put some thought and effort into thinking of me on that day.  Last year my Anchor recognized me on Mother’s Day.  He bought me a small gift and took me out for the day.  We had a lovely time driving around the Berkshires and wandering into little shops, all child-free since his kids were with their mom and my son was with his dad.  His father offered me the weekend, but honestly what’s better for a mom than a nice quiet day?

This year I was acknowledged on Mother’s Day again, this time by both my partners, and all three of my kids. I was given a nice day of relaxing at home, coffee, pictures by the kids, breakfast by my fiance, etc. It was lovely. I plan to ignore the significance of next Sunday because I simply have no need of it.

I’m going to just say it – I don’t like Stepmother’s Day.  I think mothers – ALL mothers – should be acknowledged on Mother’s Day.  After all, if your wife is good enough to recognize on Stepmother’s Day, why not instead on Mother’s Day?  Stepmother’s Day is redundant.  I’m already a mother, no matter what anyone else says.  Maybe my stepkids’ mom doesn’t feel that way.  Maybe my partner’s parents don’t feel that way (my Anchor’s parents are actually amazing and are very respectful of my place in the kids’ lives).  Guess what!  That….doesn’t…matter!  All that matters is how your partner, the other bio parent of the kids, feels.

If he or she respects your role in their kids’ lives then you will get recognized on whichever day you’d like.  The key is to learn to say what you need, express yourself, put your feelings out there.  If you’re with someone you can’t do that with, find someone you CAN do that with.

If you’d prefer to celebrate Stepmother’s Day as opposed to Mother’s Day (or even if you’d prefer to celebrate both), then all the more power to you. Just be sure to tell your partner what you want and need. Because without that communication in the first place, they’ll never know. And most of them certainly won’t know about a day set aside for stepmothers. By the way, Stepfather’s Day is also the Sunday after Father’s Day.

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