For those of you who don’t know, which would be everyone since this blog is new, I’m getting a divorce. It’s been quite the journey that I started six years ago in my step family life. I met a man with three sons and fell in love with all of them, quickly, too quickly. I became a mom overnight and this was before I was even a biological mother. I won’t say I did an amazing job at it, but I wasn’t terrible at it either and I can say with some certainty that I did a better job than their own mother.
My situation now is so different. I don’t have any of the same issues that I experienced with TM1 (my ex-husband’s first wife). Instead I can experience all new ones with TM2 (boyfriend’s ex-wife). She is a mom who cares about her kids, which is already a head start.
I began my poly journey later than I started my step one, though I was certainly interested in polyamory long before I ever became interested in a step family life, because, really, who seeks to be in a step family? It is not an “instant family” as some would like to believe. In fact, a rather depressing study showed that it takes about seven years to fully blend a family.
Poly began as a mindset for me. I knew I wasn’t like “everyone else” (now of course I know that there are many more people like me) in how I viewed relationships and that changed my outlook on life. I was never a jealous person unless you gave me reason. I was very open with my relationships and very “hey, that’s your life” with the people I dated. I didn’t care if you were best friends with your ex of five years so long as I knew where I stood with you. Confidence and comfort was everything for me.
Unfortunately my ex, the father of my child, could never give me that and I caught him cheating on me more than once in our marriage. I finally opened our marriage up to polyamory after realizing he couldn’t stay away from TM1 and that I was better off accepting it and letting it happen than fighting it all the time, if I wanted to save my marriage. And I did, want to save my marriage, that is. And so…we started this journey together.
I think I will always feel a closeness to him. We share a child together, the birth of whom almost killed me, my ex by my side throughout the entire ordeal.
And so I hope to write about these experiences, to share more with whomever feels like reading this, and maybe heal a bit through the telling.